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Marriage & parents

Assalamu Alaikum: can we marry without the permission of our parents and if we do so , is the marriage valid?


Allah & his messenger(pbuh) have declared marriage a sunnah in Islam , but have commanded & made it absolutely obligatory (fard-ayn) on every believer to obey their parents, as Allah says in the Quran:

“And your lord has decreed that you worship none but him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.” QURAN [17:23]

“And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."” QURAN[17:24]

If the parents are not commenced then marry the man/women whom both you & your parents approve of. But what ever the case don’t disobey your parents. The marriage is a voluntary act but to obey lawful command of our parents is an absolutely obligatory duty of every believer, as prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said

Narrated Anas: The Prophet was asked about the great sins He said, "They are:-- (1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,
(2) To be undutiful to one's parents.
(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murdering).
(4) And to give a false witness." SAHIH AL-BUKHARI[Volume 3, Book 48, Number 821]

Narrated byAbudDarda When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it." AL-TIRMIDHI[Hadith 4928]

Allah Says in the Holy Quran : ……But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah Knows and ye know not. QURAN[2:216]

Thus It would absolutely not be considered righteousness, (in what ever situation)for a believing women to arrange her own marriage with out the approval of parents.

Narrated by Aisha, Ummul Mu`minin The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: 'The marriage of a woman who marries without the consent of her guardians (wali) is void.' (He (saws) said these words three times.) ABU-DAWUD[Hadith 2078]

Narrated by Abu Hurayrah Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A woman may not give a woman in marriage, nor may she give herself in marriage, for the immoral woman is the one who gives herself in marriage." AL-TIRMIDHI[Hadith 3137]

Islam also guides that the parents should not force their son/daughter to marry someone he/she does not wish to do not marry, nor should son/daughter force his /her parents. marriage is not merely a union of two people who love each other, but rather a sacred union that unites two whole families….thus if one is faced with a situation whereby their son is so in ‘love’ with an eligible girl (believer, chaste, etc.) and the parents of the boy are satisfied with the character and the practice of religion of the girl…..they should accede with the choice and request of their son.

Narrated byAbuHurayrah Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.' Tirmidhi, Nasa'i and Ibn Majah transmitted it. AL-TIRMIDHI[Hadith 3090]

Regarding the validity of marrage:

There are four absolutely obligatory conditions for a marriage or ‘nikaah’ to be deemed lawful in the Sight of Shariah and of Allah :
1. Proposal by one party and acceptance by the other.
2. The determination of ‘mehr’ for the bride.
3. The availability of at least two witnesses to the marriage contract.
4. The consent of the parents/guardians (wali) of the bride.
If even one of the above four obligatory conditions of a ‘nikaah’ are not honored, the marriage will not be deemed lawful, in the light of shariha

It is not necessary for a man to take his parents consent to get married. But it would be more befitting a believer if he takes the blessings of his parents. That would be best. And Allah knows the best.